The grass isn't always greener on the other side
When people switch careers or niches, satisfaction spikes immediately, but drops below baseline within 6 years. Beat that mentality before it hits you again.
Marshall Goldsmith, executive coach to over 150 CEOs and the only two-time winner of the Thinkers50 #1 Leadership Thinker award, built his entire methodology on one insight: “What got you here won’t get you there.”
Long story short, if you’ve had a decent job this year, you may not need a “better job” next year, but better skills.
Skills?
Yes.
If that sounds too simple to be true, let me explain.
Sometimes, we reach a point on the road where we stop to check what’s happening around us, and we usually find someone who’s doing better. And want some, if not all, of what we think they have.
The end of the year is one such milestone. You’re looking around to see where you ought to be next.
But, it actually all comes down to the greener grass syndrome, also called the “grass is greener syndrome (GIGS).” When we hit friction, we look at someone else’s success and think, “Oh, they must have it so easy.”
With this mindset, we believe our success is clearly evident. That, if our circumstances change, we will be better off.
We make the switch, experience a brief high that almost convinces us that we made the right decision, only to find the same familiar problems on the other side of the fence, as before.
This concept is also known as the “honeymoon-hangover” pattern, and there’s sufficient research to support it. One study tracked employees who moved across occupations and found that job satisfaction declined for at least 6 years and even fell below their previous level.
So, the data confirms it: your low job satisfaction level is hardly ever a function of your circumstance. It ight be a skill deficit.
Can you have everything you want in a job?
One therapist who specializes in GIGS describes it this way:
“The fantasy underlying grass is greener thinking is generally that there is a way to have everything you want. However, this then bumps against the reality…”
Typically, a lot goes on in our minds, so we often miss the little things that can help us make better decisions.
For instance, when we’re thinking of changing jobs or a relationship, moving house, or relocating abroad, we often overlook that we’re giving up something to make the change.
What we have is already ours, so we instinctively pay more attention to what we lack. It’s the starved needs that have your attention.
This feeling is familiar to all humans. We tell ourselves we already have some things, and others will be met no sooner than later. Then, everything will be great.
A friend once said about an abandoned limousine that trended over a decade ago: for others, it’s easy to condemn the owner for having spent so much money on it. But to them, buying, owning, and using it meant something. Whatever trade-off they made in owning the vehicle served a purpose.
So, don’t get me wrong. I’m the first to consider making changes more timely, so I’m not opposed to change. Every trade-off we make has its benefits.
I am simply making the case for a more conscious career or organisational trade-off.
What’s behind the greener grass syndrome?
First, many of us don’t realize we’re projecting our internal dissatisfaction onto external circumstances and other people. So that it appears to us that what’s behind our unhappiness isn’t what we think, say, or do.
Moreso, there’s a flight mode within us that tells us to run away from pain, discomfort, or danger.
Still, the syndrome manifests when individuals hold objectively decent jobs but continually compare them to others, ruminating on whether they deserve even better.
There’s a smaller loop here, too: chronic stress makes us blame our situation, and when we do that, we feel even more stressed. Some people live within their comfort zones yet fail to fully appreciate them.
Basic strategy resolves the friction that tactics won’t
The greener grass syndrome inevitably tells us we need to pivot, change something significant about us, and do so with urgency.
I recently spoke with a real estate entrepreneur who’s considering an expansion into e-commerce. I asked why. He told me he believes he’s at a point where he needs to diversify.
I asked if he had explored all real estate opportunities; he said no. I then asked if he had the skills for e-commerce; he didn’t, but planned to hire a strong marketing team.
Let me give you another example.
A local church within a church association has encountered delays in obtaining approval for key documents from the national administrative committee. In response, the local church decides to leave the association to address these delays.
These are different scenarios, but the challenges are the same: friction.
What should you do when you face friction?
Do you employ advanced tactics or basic strategy?
Strategy should always come before tactics, but when facing deadlines, people often jump straight to tactics for quick ROI. This results in a fragmented approach, pouring resources into multiple initiatives without realizing the full benefits.
The businessman and the local church are both considering tactics.
They’re willing to change direction to do something else. Whereas, the church could pilot a new operations management system to ensure a timely response from the association’s executives. Similarly, the businessman could instead solidify his presence in the current market.
In both cases, they need to develop skills in scaling operations. After the pilot, the national association of the church could deploy the new system nationwide. The business, on the other hand, needs to learn from similar enterprises that have scaled beyond transacting properties into property technology and construction, for example.
Neither solution will be simple, but the right solutions to pervasive problems are never simple. They require you to adopt a growth mindset, cultivate better habits, learn new skills, and build new relationships.
How to beat the greener grass syndrome
I suggest evaluating yourself and your circumstances using these questions:
First, have you found a GIGS pattern?
If you’ve switched niches, platforms, jobs, or industries multiple times and keep encountering similar frustrations, you likely have GIGS.
Next, be honest about your problem and your situation.
If you could change one thing about yourself, would your situation improve? If yes, your situation is acceptable; if not, you’re right to consider a change.
Research on Wharton internal versus external moves suggests asking: where do you need to do things differently to improve your current situation? What do you control about the less-than-ideal circumstances? How might an outside observer see how your behavior has contributed to where you are?
If your work environment is toxic or abusive, consider switching. But if it’s decent but less exciting than expected, shifting your focus from external to internal control is very empowering.
What does your next destination require of you?
Are you the person you need to be to get where you want to go? If your next job requires new skills, learn them. If not, reconsider because progress always demands sacrifice and growth.
Forget New Year's resolution, behaviour change is the only goal worth setting
Every January, millions of people renew their hopes for goals, arguably no different from those they set the previous year.
You’ve got to own an active role in your own development because the only grass that gets greener is the one watered.
There’s no point envying your neighbour’s lawn when you have the power to tend to yours.
Do you really want to win next year? Read our companion piece on why behaviour change is the only goal worth setting.